Making Long Distance Work
Ahh, my ol’ pal long distance. How do I feel about you, you ask? Well, to put it simply... I strongly dislike you. But, you’ve also made my relationship that much stronger.
It’s true the saying ... distance makes the heart grow fonder. Or I guess sometimes, it might make a situation much clearer for you. I’ve had to do long distance in two pretty serious relationships, including to the man I am married to now. Most recently due to COVID, the hubby and I went 5 months apart, with a 10 hour time difference. It certainly wasn’t easy, or fun, but hey! Look at us, we are still married and so in luuuurveeee.
Let me preface this blog post by stating that EVERY relationship is different. We all have unique quirks and habits and things that make us tick. Never mind our love language, and what we hold of most importance in our relationships. Therefore, the tips I’m leaving you with today are ones that aren’t overly specific, but rather can be applied to each and every special long distance relationship.
1. Establish Your Preferred Method of Communication
Personally, I’m a big texter. I’ve never been one for phone calls, and having 2 hour long conversations. Nor am I someone who needs to FaceTime every day. I suppose this stems from my introvertness (that’s not a word but I just made it one). Luckily for me, my husband is the same way. Majority of our communication is done over text, with the occasional FaceTime once or twice a week. With a big time difference, we’ve also heavily relied on Snapchat to send updates on how our day is going, how delicious our meal is (because the food wasn’t actually delicious unless you took a picture of it for someone right?), and of course lots of puppy photos.
Now I repeat, this is what works for us. Some people hate texting, and for them the best way to communicate is a long phone call at the end of the day. Or to get in a FaceTime daily. Or maybe it’s to not even communicate every day. Either way, it is important to establish what works for the both of you. This way your expectations are the same, no one is disappointed, and ultimately, you get to have gratifying banter with your partner.
2. Vocalize Your Needs
Let’s get this out of the way. No matter how much you want them to be, or how great it would be ... your partner is NOT a mind reader. This goes for any relationship really, not just long distance.
I admit, this took me some time to get used to. My natural personality is one that puts others before themselves. I’m pretty thoughtful and quite the romantic. Sorry guys, I’m taken. It was hard for me to accept and understand that just because I was this way, didn’t mean that everyone was, or that everyone was trying to be. And at the end of the day … that’s okay. It was my husbands career driven personality, thirst for knowledge and need for constant personal development that drew me to him in the first place. It’s something I lacked. However, I still often found myself trying to turn him … well … into me. Not by telling him of course, rather by hoping he would magically just turn into Lance Romance who cared about nothing in this world but me. HA, Good one.
Overtime, I’ve learned to speak up for what I want, need, and expect from our relationship. When it comes to long distance, that was no different. I truly believe this needs to be stated from the get-go if you want to survive.
It can be something as simple as a good morning and good night text to start and end every day. Whatever it may be, voice your needs. Create those ground rules to manage expectations. This way, neither of you are left feeling let down.
3. Sometimes Less is More
Know when to give your communication a rest. It is never beneficial to be over bearing and possessive. In your head you may be thinking you need to compensate for this distance by always talking, and always having something to say. This is EXHAUSTING on both ends, and does not have longevity.
Even with a 10+ hour time difference, we always found time to give each other space. Whether it was when he was out with the guys, or I went to the gym or was out for lunch with my girlfriends … it was okay to put down the phone and be “absent”. To be honest, it made the time we got to talk to each other that much more interesting and exciting.
4. Send Care Packages
We all know the feeling we get when an online order arrives and we get to open it up. The pure joy and excitement is almost addicting. Now imagine a package showing up that you didn’t order but it’s still for you!!! It’s like Christmas in March... HELLLOOO (or whatever month it is.. you get the point).
You can’t help but feel loved when receiving a care package. It shows that you were thought of, that you are missed, and it creates a connection with your loved one that is far away. I even love making them. For me, it is so much fun to create a care package and giddily wait for it to get to my husband and watch his reaction when he opens it.
Recently when we had our five months apart I sent Peter a care package that contained things from each member of his family and my family. There was popcorn, puzzle books, a digital picture frame, some Skor bites, and a whole bunch of other miscellaneous items that came wrapped up with a note from each person they were from. He was so excited and grateful to receive this package, I know that it made the distance from all of us just that much easier.
You really cannot go wrong with what you put inside. It truly is the thought that counts. And if sending a care package isn’t feasible for you, that’s okay. Send flowers, or balloons, or even just a card that you’ve hand written. It is guaranteed to put a smile on your partners face.
5. Find Something to Do Together
Not being able to share endless experiences is one of the hardest parts about a long distance relationship. You want to be able to just go for dinner with them, or Netflix and chiiiilll on the couch. But life has other plans for you *eye roll *.
Modern Family was our most recent shared experience. We started from the very beginning and watched it every day together in hopes that by the end of the 11 seasons, we would be reunited. That wasn’t the case, but having that show to connect us and laugh about every day felt nice.
So whether its a TV show, a movie once a week, a book, a specific bottle of wine or meal, or even learning a new language ... find something that the both of you can do. Doing this creates a shared experience that you get to have despite living apart.
Well! There you have it. These are my 5 tips to getting through a long distance relationship. Now if these don’t work for you and you guys break up. Please do not blame me. I take zero responsibility for failed relationships. However, if these tips help you and keep you going ... I take full responsibility for your happiness. KIDDING! I wish all you beautiful people the most happiness and joy and insurmountable love in this world!! Go kick some long distance relationship ass!
xx
Sash